Fated
by peroxidepest17
Summary: Fate strives to reach balance.


**Title: **Fated  
**Universe:** XXXHolic  
**Theme/Topic:** N/A  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Character/Pairing/s:** DoumekixWatanuki, Yuuko  
**Warnings/Spoilers:** None I can imagine. Er, lots of OOC to watch out for though.  
**Word Count: **893  
**Summary:** Fate strives to reach balance.  
**Dedication:** Uh, I dunno. LOL how about cheloya, for always catching my craptastic mistakes?**  
A/N:** Uuuuh, I just started writing with no particular plan in mind and this is what I word-vomited. It is a jumble of nonsensical things tha I blame the sickness on. --;;  
**Disclaimer:** Not mine, though I wish constantly.  
**Distribution:** Just lemme know.

* * *

Watanuki lives at the spur of a moment. Everything he feels, thinks, and does all occur at a split second's decision, on the knife's edge of yes-or-no, go-or-stay, do-or-die. He is all or nothing and now or never, but always go, go, go. 

As such, all the truths in the world that pertain to Watanuki Kimihiro are written on his face at the precise moment he thinks them, and whenever Doumeki looks into his eyes he knows every inch of feeling the other boy is experiencing at that second because it is right there in front of him, naked and honest, never premeditated.

For a person who lives half in this world and half in another, hidden one, there is, oddly, nothing about Watanuki Kimihiro that is shrouded in mystery.

Doumeki is not unfeeling, but he is distant—he can remove himself from a situation and think, think, think for hours, can sit, impassive, and map out every little detail of a state of affairs, read every tiny nuance, spot every minor variation. He doesn't move until he is ready to move, and those who look at him can never tell what he is thinking, what he is feeling. Not unless he wants them to.

In Doumeki Shizuka's world there is yes-or-no just like there is for Watanuki, but there is "maybe" also, there is do-or-die and go-or-stay, but there is "don't" and "come back" as well.

And so there is "don't" in Doumeki's eyes when he sees one of those brief moments of naked honesty flash across Watanuki's face—full of regret this time— just before the other boy steps off that knife's edge of his and right into the line of fire, deciding at the spur of a moment to go instead of stay.

And then there is "come back" on Doumeki's lips when he's cradling that prone form not long afterwards, holding the body of the one who decided to do instead of die and might end up getting both for his efforts anyway.

But then there is "maybe" in Doumeki's heart as well when he sees Yuuko approach, and looking right at her, for once not thinking, not deliberating, not _waiting,_ he asks—demands— to know what it is he has to give up to keep Watanuki half in this world, to stop him from being all in the other.

"In this world there is only fate," Yuuko says, and bends to touch Watanuki's cheek, eyes hooded and knowing. "There is fate and its wheels and how they will turn until balance is reached, until what is to be _is_ and is no longer merely what _shall_ be."

It doesn't make any sense to him, and feeling for once on the knife's edge himself, he demands again, urgently, what it is he must give in this world to keep Watanuki in it.

Yuuko smiles then, and stands. "All that is fated is balance and all balance is fated."

He looks up at her, his fingers fisted desperately in the folds of Watanuki's shirt and sticky with the other boy's blood.

Yuuko takes pity then. "What can you give this boy?" she asks, and in her voice there is the familiar deal-or-no-deal he hears whenever she speaks to him, a woman who is only interested in equal trades. "This boy who does not think before he acts, who lives on the spur of a moment and feels with every part of his soul…what can you offer?"

Doumeki thinks. Doumeki thinks and thinks and thinks because that is what he does, and when he finally finds her meaning—_balance, the universe is about balance—_ he pulls Watanuki closer into his arms and nods up at her, just once.

She smiles. "An equal trade, then."

"Yes," Doumeki says, and has thought this all through—every nuance, every detail— whether he'd wished to or not. It is who he is, after all.

When Watanuki's eyes flutter open a few moments later Yuuko is long gone, and the other boy groans groggily before asking what happened.

"Nothing," Doumeki says, gently. "Nothing. Just rest."

"Okay," Watanuki murmurs without much fight, and proceeds to unwittingly bury his nose against the crook of Doumeki's arm as Shizuka carries him home.

Doumeki feels Watanuki's warm breath on his chest and smiles to himself, just a little bit.

Balance.

To keep half in this world, a boy who does not think before he acts, who lives at the spur of a moment and who feels with every part of his soul, half the heart of a boy who waits, deliberates, and does not move until he is good and ready to is offered in exchange.

And for the boy who is distant, who is impassive and unreadable, half the heart of a boy who lives on the knife's edge of reason is given in return.

Such is fate.

Such is balance.

And so, knowing this, Doumeki looks down at Watanuki and wonders how soon it will be until the other half of his heart is taken by this person as well.

The thought comforts him rather than disturbs him though, because he knows that in this world of equal trade, the thing he will receive in return for that heart will be just as precious.

For now, he simply clutches his fate in his arms.

He watches it sleep.

**END**


End file.
